It's been half a year...I stopped writing half a year ago due to feeling stuck, down, and just plain depressed about having to deal with the pain of facing all this debt. I apologize for just going "MIA" and leaving, but it was too hard to face, even the only support I have ever had through this time. I always thought of you guys through the past 6 months, but had a hard time dealing with everything in my life that comes with massive debt. I realized if it is hard now, it will be harder when I am older like my parents and worse, which of course spiraled down into a deeper bad feeling. Wth the expense of my brother's wedding (when I wrote last) and everything on top of it...I decided to seek a family counselor to help me a little.
I have worked my butt off working the evenings. WE ARE FINALLY "CURRENT" with our Mortgage TODAY!!! Most items are lower, but some have gone up after we put them on the back burner for the house. Nonetheless I am trying to work through it. I hope you are all well and thank you so much at the beginning of all this. There was no way without anyone's support I would have even seeked a new job or help.

Best and Back Soon!

I have been finding that a good chunk of clothes that my kids have been wearing around the house to play in they have outgrown a bit. I have the "Going out clothes" with out stains. Then I have the abundant amounts of "Home play clothes" that are smaller, ragged looking,stained,or falling apart. This is where all the laundry comes from! I noticed that I should have gotten rid of the things with those misc. holes and small tears that you wouldn't let anyone see your kiddos in. I have useless clothes that I let my kids get yucky and change them a lot and then have to do mucho laundry! They would also be useless to goodwill/salvation army. Anyway, my daughter has been wearing the same "Going out" outfits for a while and I try to alternate them so she doesn't wear them on the same days I drop her off at school. So, today I cleared out the old clothes and put the semi-decent ones in a storage bin for the..."just in case I have more kids" situation. I am finding that the older clothes (more than 18 months/2-3 years) are more expensive and less given as gifts when you have a baby (that's why now, I give people toddler/older kids clothes). The little clothes never get worn! I was also bummed to find out that a mom I had given a huge box of clothes to apparently gets/asks for clothes from everyone she knows who has older kids than hers. Then she sells or consigns them! I had some mixed feelings about it because she didn't really need them, but perhaps needs the money? Anyway, I just felt conflicted about it since I understand the money part. Anyway,I looked at ebay. The clothes seemed cheap, around $1 a piece, but then the shipping would be over $10-15! I was also suprised that craigslist charged prices that are around Old Navy/Target/Walmart. So...headed off to Walmart to buy the outfits on sale. $4.50 for a two piece was pretty good. Also got art supplies (kiddo is obsessed with painting), bandaids, glue sticks, and kitty litter. I spent $100.58 (clothes for 2 kiddos and the rest). Unfortunately, I felt a little bummed about the mom consigning the clothes, along with the caddy crappy mom I found out about...so I took us out to lunch and spent $21.60 and gorged on cheap chinese food. I know, kinda back to 2 weeks ago with shopping and eating. Today it was the eating that wasn't needed, kiddo clothes were needed, but I am sure I could have gotten less or more creative with getting them through other means. Anyway, I just had mixed feelings about the whole day. Tomorrow, another chance

Not too distant a time ago...pre-marriage, pre-house, kiddos, and pets, I didn't have much stuff. I had very little in college due to moving apartments etc. After school, my boyfriend/now husband and I lived in a very small apartment with no eating area,a dinky bathroom, and a living area that only held a futon,small ikea computer table, area rug, and t.v. When we moved into our house, we were still using the futon, until the dog ate a hole through it due to the first baby/frustration and most of the space in the house was empty. A few years later...Tonight,I picked up dirty dishes,folded clean clothes, then picked up dirty clothes, put coats away in an overstuft closet, cleaned up the living room toy explosion, found a yucky sippy cup, have piles of framed pictures, books, and a never ending amount of clothes to wash...I stand back and think out of complete frustration (that I even have to do all this) "HOW DID I ACCUMULATE ALL THIS STUFF?" Half the toys the kiddos don't even play with, in fact, they seem to only like things that aren't toys...like the potty seat, mommies stuff, pens, and computer. We now also have a junk room and our office also has more stuff. Our car is packed with various items too. This weekend my goal is to get rid of lots of stuff and donate it. It's become a pain in the butt to just have it in the house even. However, the thing that's so ironic is that we are still broke like in college/right after...actually worse with the debt, we just have lots of things now and extra mouths to feed. stuff, who needs it!lol.

So, around the time I decided to uncover the truth about finances, I also found out that a mom I thought was nice/a friend is two faced and decided to perpetuate the "he said she said" garbage to other moms about me. It's been trying to figure out how to control the fire she's spreading. Wow, that kind of hurt too.I guess to a certain degree I should be grateful since life is surfacing new truths, real people, and areas of my life that need dramatic attention. I've also found that many moms are the "One Uppers" and seem to be fueled on being competative and negative. It apparently has been getting worse as the kiddos get older, which is something I am not enjoying. Others are just like sheep and do whatever everyone else is doing or saying and seem to have lost any kind of straight opinion of their own. Anyway, aside from figuring out where my money goes, it seems to be the same with my friendships and realizing that a shift in better friends/investing in better friends is needed too. This process just like my finances is a little painful too.

So, my working out of home business is slow, but I got a check for $30 and $10/cash! I'll have to deposit this, but that feels great. I did want to do the usual take the kiddos and me to lunch after I picked up kiddo 1 from school. I made a lunch and we ate it in the cafe area of her school after I got her instead. It was really hard after getting in the car though. It sounds silly, but I drove by the restaurant we usually go to, actually circled it twice thinking if we should go or not...I drove us to the library instead. However, I did make purchases today, just not on a big lunch like usual.
-$2.99 milk
-$ 4.99 food coloring (to make play dough)
-$ 4.59 cream of tartar (to make play dough)
-$1.55 coffee/cafe at kiddos school

So, I am only hoping that the food coloring and cream of tartar will pay off for making play dough since buying play dough at target is usually 5 or up and lasts about a week before my kiddo leaves it or hides it with her kitchen/play food.
Anyway,I checked out 2 books about money from the library:
"The Cheapskate Next Door"
"The Busy families Guide to Money"

Also, we spend $20/per month on Netflix. We don't have cable so this was originally why we got it. should we cancel this and do library check outs only instead?

So one kiddo is almost over an ear infection and the other ones stomach bug has passed. I am slowly getting better as I noticed that my concentration on finances are too. Today I was excited that I called Vonage and had them switch my monthly bill to a different package. I will now be saving +3. I also forgot to list the other day that my husband bought a transit pass, which will save +100/month. We also set up payment plans with the electric and gas companies. However, my hubby spent -$5 for lunch because I just packed him kids snacks and was so tired this morning to make a full one (even though it would have taken 5 mintues) due to being sick. So, I felt a little guilty about that and the money spent at Margaritas that couldn't be fully enjoyed due to the barf situation. Anyway, I confronted paying some bills, which included answering two calls to set up payments. Also paid the over due skincare/program bill and changed when my shipment is supposed to come since I have a few months worth now. I also made baked sweet potato wedges too, which were super cheap and really yummy to eat. Anyway, I am still conjested and am wondering if I should see a doctor, but that will cost -$25 for a co-payment and if it's just a cold, they can't do anything. I'll wait until the end of the week to see how it is with the sinuses. However, we are still dealing with a past due mortgage (which is somewhat disapointing since we paid on time for over 3 years)Writing everything down is becomming really helpful. There is more stuff still surfacing, but I guess it's like this cold that I have, taking care of it, letting it surface, and making sure I take the proper steps to heal it is the only way it won't get worse. These small successful steps are making things easier too.

I am on a mission... This is my first blog and my first step in getting to the truth about my debt. Right now my desk has bills, stacks, and misc piles of magazines, newspapers, random receipts, and kids stickers. I can't take it anymore and decided to tackle the many problem piles that I have (AKA the many problems that I'm dealing with)I have to tackle what I will call the "Truth Piles."
It's going to be scary facing the phone bill that reads Due:$366 or the past due water,electric, and many other past due bills.sigggggggggggggh. However, the burden has become much greater than the pain of facing these sharp, square, pieces of paper that tell me I'm a delinquent. Here I go... I'll list all my past due bill numbers later, but it will take a while. I'll have to give myself a sticker as a reward in the end. Perhaps if it works for my kids potty training it will work for me