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Home > Some moms are just mean,,,Investing in better friends

Some moms are just mean,,,Investing in better friends

February 15th, 2011 at 06:18 am

So, around the time I decided to uncover the truth about finances, I also found out that a mom I thought was nice/a friend is two faced and decided to perpetuate the "he said she said" garbage to other moms about me. It's been trying to figure out how to control the fire she's spreading. Wow, that kind of hurt too.I guess to a certain degree I should be grateful since life is surfacing new truths, real people, and areas of my life that need dramatic attention. I've also found that many moms are the "One Uppers" and seem to be fueled on being competative and negative. It apparently has been getting worse as the kiddos get older, which is something I am not enjoying. Others are just like sheep and do whatever everyone else is doing or saying and seem to have lost any kind of straight opinion of their own. Anyway, aside from figuring out where my money goes, it seems to be the same with my friendships and realizing that a shift in better friends/investing in better friends is needed too. This process just like my finances is a little painful too.

13 Responses to “Some moms are just mean,,,Investing in better friends”

  1. momcents Says:

    As painful as it is to honestly evaluate our relationships with friends, it is necessary from time-to-time. My bff was a bff in name only, and since I've done the fade, life is better. I realized it was a one-sided relationship (she did all of the dumping and complaining, and I only listened. When I had something to say, she didn't have time to hear it). I have had to force myself to promote healthier relationships with moms at the school that I have things in common with or generally just "like". And actually in one hour, I'm getting together with a mom that I really like but don't know very well. We're having coffee at my invitation. Good luck finding worth-while friends! It is so worth the look!

  2. Savings Queen Says:

    My BFF also did an about face after a 20+ year friendship for something which 1) wasn't even true and 2) didn't matter anyway. Oddly enough, I am fine with it. It seems like maybe God did for me what I couldn't do for myself. She lived several states away so we always just talked on the phone. Due to her fading away several months ago I am now developing closer friendships here at home. Bless you though. It is hard to take when people dissapoint us.

  3. MonkeyMama Says:

    People talk about work politics, but what I can not tolerate or understand is MOMMY POLITICS. It's terrible!

    I kind of bowed out of any "mom groups" when my kids were 3 or 4, accordingly.

    Don't get me wrong - I met a few great people. BUT, it was also the one and only time in my life people tried to tell me who I could and could not talk to or be friends with. Rolleyes Maybe that last happened when I was like 10. Wink Forget high school - this was elemantary school...

    I also found it hard to be frugal in these type groups. I knew people were struggling financially, most more than me, and I have always been very frugal. If no one else would speak up, I'd be the first to mention cheaper alternatives to outings, etc. Instead of others speaking up and agreeing, I was kind of pegged by as the "no fun cheapo." So I threw up my hands and gave up.

    Fast forward 5 years and everyone is divorced, in foreclosure and filed for bankruptcy. Rolleyes I am 100% serious. This *cheapo* can at least afford to keep a roof over my family's head. Wink I've just learned over the years that nasty/catty people are just unhappy. IT's better just to avoid those types - they want to take you down with them.

  4. mamas debt time out Says:

    Thanks everyone, this really cheered me up because I feel like I'm at a crossroads and decided to take the other route, which feels a little odd/lonely (a lot less with SA Blog), but wow, it's hard.It's funny you mentioned the fast forward 5 years too because a major decision was about where things will be with us in 5 yearsSmile However, I am at that point of throwing the hands up and giving up on these groups.

  5. MonkeyMama Says:

    I've been socializing more with neighbors, as kids hit school aged, and letting my kids pick their own friends. It's been better.

    I've found the gossip/cattiness dies down a bit as kids age and parents work more, etc. There was certainly some of that in our neighborhood too. But now all the moms work and there is no sitting around gossiping all day. So I feel it has gotten better with age. I never got knee deep in the BS with the neighbors, so can deal with them a little better.

    To be fair -the early years - babies and toddlers - are tough times - and think of all those HORMONES flying around!!

    We recently made friends with the family of my youngest's little girlfriend. Really like them, but they keep asking us to join the parenting group. All I can think is, "UGH!"

  6. snshijuptr Says:

    I have come to believe that "lucky" people are really those that create healthy environments around themselves. Living in debt, having toxic friends, or otherwise increasing the risk in your life just opens you up to "bad luck". On the flip side, having extra cash on hand, having true friends, enjoying your job, educating yourself, etc leave you ready to grasp any opportunity that comes to you. It is just a little sad that some people discount these efforts and insist that it is "only luck". Good luck in creating a healthy environment for yourself in all aspects of your life.

  7. Joan.of.the.Arch Says:

    Your blog and the responses so far are helping me think about something that happened a whole 13 years ago! I could never understand what happened, but I was shunned in a group to which I was completely new, on the very first day. I knew no one in the group. This was supposedly an open group that had fliers around town and a website on the internet. I contacted the group by email and was given info about meeting in a park, kids and parents.

    Well, no one would talk to me when I got there. Even when I directly spoke to someone, I was ignored! I did not know what was going on, but figured it had to do with the past history of the group (all were moms and their kids). Now that I think about it, it probably had something to do with rumor and supposition, maybe not even rumor about me, but perhaps rumor about the person who'd been my contact with the group.

    Since this was my initial contact with the group, it was very easy for me to just walk away puzzled but unscathed. I'm sure it is harder to do when you know there are rumors and judgments about you personally. Good grief. What gets into people?

  8. mamas debt time out Says:

    thanks snshijuptr. it's amazing how certain areas of my life have gotten so much better in the last 2 weeks (like my communication with my hubby, getting additional new job opportunities, even a raise yesterday with hubby) and crappier in this area with the shallow moms. the idea of making a healthy environment is right on! As to Joan of the Arch, yeah, it seems that moms who know moms etc kind of thing with this, sooooo weird because it blocks making connections with people which makes me sad,even worse, no one wants to be up front about anything. However it is forcing me to turn in other directions, which is good and I only take it as a blessing from life.

  9. Looking Forward Says:

    I'd say you're on the right path - Finding new friends. I don't know any nasty moms, but I know they are out there. I think the best advice I could give is not worry about what they think or say. You know your own truth. Be honest with yourself and honest with everyone you deal with. What's the worst someone can say about that??

    Good luck. Big Grin

  10. mamas debt time out Says:

    So after I wrote this and got all this really cool advice, a mom I had been trying to connect with, but never got a chance with weather, sick kiddos, etc (who seems genuine and really nice) emailed me about getting together! It's so strange how things like this work.

  11. CampFrugal Says:

    That is awesome that you found someone to connect to. I also have struggled with whom my friendships are with in the past few months; and since I have dropped those that are two-faced and cause so much drama, one of my oldest and dearest friends re-surfaced at the Zumba class I have been taking. We are having so much fun and we still have so much in common. I am glad we reconnected and wonder why we ever lost touch.

  12. wowitsawonderfullife Says:

    Mamas, someone once said to me that some people talk about other people, some people talk about things, and other people talk about ideas. When you find someone that talks about things and ideas then stick with them. Don't waste time on the people who talk about people cause you know darn well they are talking about you behind your back! BTW, I'm really impressed with how well you are doing - and so quickly too!

  13. mamas debt time out Says:

    wowitsawonderfullife, LOVE that...because when I think about it, my most real and genuine friends are the ones that talk about things and ideas.

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