Who I am ...My real truth about my debtMama of two determined to get out of debt:
I am a mom of two and I have lots of debt. Wow...that hurts to admit. The majority of it is mostly mine and not my husbands. Most of it was occured during college to pay for school, but lots of my current debt comes from my multiple list of credit cards that I used to take the kids and me out to lunch and shopping. I realized that I used eating and shopping to fill the many voids I've been hiding all of these years. I ate and spent money because the truth is that I've never really felt loved by my parents (I know...kinda heavy). They always bought me things, but I never had a real sense that I was appreciated. They too are heavily in debt, can't retire, and interestingly enough my mother is a shopoholic. It hit me that life is not about worrying about money. Life is not about pretending or putting on a fascade. Life is not about putting a bandaid on real feelings. I realized this as my husband played past videos of my daughter for her because she loves to watch them. It was then I noticed I had all the unconditional love I had always wanted and that my current spending habits were destroying the very things I longed for. I realized life is about creating moments to make eachother happy the best way we can and doing it by being in debt is not the way to live. Most of our friends and family have no idea the kind of debt my family is in. The guilt that I now carry for bringing this on my family and my best friend/husband is almost unbearable. So this is my journey about facing the truth, why I spent money the way I did, breaking the generation cycle of debtors, and showing my real self without the fear that no one will love me.